Q and A
The title is misleading, like your anxiety.
The 5th of May, Twenty Twenty Three. 18:18 pm.
There is a strange irony in how I want answers to questions that help compose my perspective of the complexities of my life, but the answers rarely live up to my expectations. Most of the time, they tend to, for the lack of a better word, suck.
It doesn't help that my questions aren't cute or curious but more heartbreaking, brain-crushing, mind-combusting, existential crisis-y. If you've read the rest of my newsletters you know my brain is no walk in the park, or a walk anywhere, period. Some days it's more a stressful adrenaline-filled sprint away from an approaching tornado as if in a storm-chasing-gone-wrong vlog. That was unnecessarily graphic, but whatever.
I was telling a friend what's been on my mind lately. Finding answers I'd been looking for a while now. And realising they didn't immediately put my mind at ease. How these random epiphanies and realisations don't easily overpower my mind anymore. But they do bother me a little bit. It's not over or underwhelming. It's just whelming, I told my friend.
I'm not really sure if that's a good thing or not. Sometimes progress looks weird and concerning from a distance. And only time can tell just how well I've been doing. Meanwhile, I've got small and big victories to look forward to. Like how this is the healthiest I've been in all - almost three decades of my life, and how I don't look at myself with contempt or worse anymore. Which is pretty fucking dope.
( As always, I wanted to send this out at 5:55 an angel number. But I'm human and inspiration is a fickle friend. And also my time management with this newsletter sucks so yeah whatever, I'm not gonna stress over it. Stress is bad for the baby. I'm the baby.)
Until next time.
Hopefully on time. Lol.
A
Ps. Today I leave you with just this verse from
Snooze - Agust D ft. Ryuichi Sakamoto and Woosung.
You, who's dreaming while looking at me behind your back
I'm always here, so don't worry too much
If you're afraid to crash, I'll willingly receive you
So don't be miserable as me
You who sleep for your dreams, it's okay to rest
For today, don't even dream
When you silently give me a light smile
Only then, I feel a little relieved.
All hail our lord and saviour, Sir Min Yoongi/Suga/Agust D.
